Brew Nerds – coffee for smart people

to find a perfect example of a cool nerd, one needs to look no further than their television set during approximately 13 out of 20 percent of commercial breaks. that is to say, the epitome of cool nerdiness is:

there are no written rules for the attire that a cool nerd can don. the key is to blend in with our non nerd counterparts. whether said nerd is cool or not, their fashion sense will render them undetectable as an intellectual superior to the casual observer.

there is one possible negative side effect to this style:
as a cool nerd seeks out other nerds for companionship, he will be met with distrust. most nerds are filled with a great amount of pride regarding their state of nerdiness, so the disguise themselves as a lowly member of the non-mensa community is a slap in the face. cool nerds will likely have to work very hard to identify other fellow cool nerds for friendship, which can be a daunting task.

it is my (highly intellectual) opinion that while the cool nerd look may be good for selling macs and other techie devices to the uneducated masses, true nerds should bask in their nerdiness and relish every opportunity to put it on display.

this is the last post in the nerd attire series. n = 5, if you will.

what style of nerd attire do you prefer??

The Gadget Lover

There are two types of gadget loving nerds. The first likes to prominently display their entire collection of modern technological marvels for all the world to see. The second is more discreet, and prefers to stow away their mp3 players, cell phones, portable gps systems, nintendo ds’s, and other miscellaneous tiny, plastic coated collections of resistors, semiconductors, capacitors, et cetera.

The Proud Gadget Lover:
The goal of the proud gadget lover is to let the technology have the spotlight. This nerd’s clothing selection should be overshadowed by the proud displaying of all things gadget. The base layer of clothing can be any of the previous or yet to be discussed nerd apparel options.

Once the base layer is applied, the proud gadget lover must assemble a collection of greater than or equal to four seperate pieces of technical gadgetry. The most common item in the arsenal of this nerd is the cell phone. When clipped onto a belt, it screams, “I am important”. Two phones are even better. This lets everyone know that your work pays for one of them and you choose to keep your personal life seperated. Another obvious choice is the mp3 player, which can be secured around the neck or in a sleeve on the upper arm. Other options include a hand held gaming system, a graphing calculator, or a camera. Of course, many of these technologies are being combined, which poses a great threat to the proud gadget lover species.

The Incognito Gadget Lover:
This tech nerd makes their clothing purchases with one goal in mind: the safe and hidden storage of as many tech devices as possible. The folks at Scottevest are there to help. Here’s an excerpt from their website:
SCOTTEVEST makes innovative, versatile, technology-enabled clothing – jackets, fleece layers, cargo vests, pants, shorts, shirts and more, all designed to help you store, manage, and carry your electronic gadgets and other gear essentials.

The beauty of Scottevest is that the clothes are fairly trendy and it’s nearly impossible (probability = .007) for an aspiring nerd to go wrong. It’s possible for the Incognito Gadget Lover to blend into the mainstream and have his nerdom go completely undetected.

It is not imperative that a nerd wishing to stow away their gadgets purchase their clothing from scottevest. This task can be accomplished much more simply and with baggy cargo pants or shorts and a hooded sweatshirt.

Next Installment: TBD

In today’s discussion on nerd fashion, we will focus on the up and coming trends for the New Nerd.

Shirt: The most popular attire for the upper half of the body for today’s nerd is a black t-shirt. The t-shirt can portray any number of graphics, including, but not limited to, the following:
1. a funny slogan about said nerd’s computer operating system, programming language, video game system, et cetera, of choice.
2. a mocking slogan about inferior os’s, languages, games, etc (and/or the users of them).
3. any science fiction movie or tv show logo.
4. a catchy mathematics, science, or technology slogan.
5. retro tv shows, children’s toys, video games and movies.
Very very important note: the new nerd will NOT be found wearing a t-shirt mocking their own nerdiness. This apparel is designed for nerd mockers and nerd wannabes.
The “new nerd” black t-shirt is meant to be worn untucked and is commonly paired with…

Pants: …blue jeans. There are three viable denim options to compliment the “New Nerd” look. The first, and most common, is the relaxed fit, plain blue, no bells or whistles blue jean. There can be some signs of wear, but a clean and crisp pair will suffice, as well. The second option in denim is the carpenter jeans. This look was popularized in the late 90’s, but is still considered a trademark for today’s nerd. The reason for the carpenter pants’ longevity in nerd fashio is that the baggy style allows for the storage of any number of tech gadgets. Rounding out the trio of denim options is a pair of snug fitting, black jeans. Wearers of this style should be aware that this selection most boldly proclaims one’s nerdom.

Socks and Shoes: white socks. All white New Balance walking shoes. There should be no deviation from this, whatsoever.

Accessories:There are only a couple of sure fire accessories for the New Nerd style: A large pair of glasses is a good choice for the novice, bifocals being even better and black leather (or faux leather) belt would compliment the look of black t-shirt with jeans. An iPod is optional and a fanny pack will secure the wearer’s identity as a tried and true nerd.

Next: The Gadget Lover

Old School Nerd(The obvious first choice)

Shirt: To pull off the old school nerd look, you’ll need to don a short sleeve collared dress shirt with one or two front pockets. A white shirt works best for this look, but other solids will work nicely, as will certain prints and plaids.
To accompany this look, try a pocket protector, a bow tie, or suspenders. Or, if you’re feeling up to the challenge, go with all three!
Also, please note, that when opting for this style, it is imperative that the shirt be buttoned all the way to the top as well as tucked in to the pants.

Pants: Any nerd looking to pull off the old school nerd look should invest in several pairs of blue, black and khaki dickies. It is advised that these pants should be pulled as high as biologically possible and secured with a belt (or suspenders as aforementioned). The more ankle that the weared can make visible, the better.

Socks: There are only two alternatives for socks: Black crew cut or white crew cut. It is nonnegotiable.

Shoes: The most common old school nerd footwear is the black dress shoe. This style was made popular by the movie “Revenge of the Nerds” and has set the standard for nerd style. The more comfortable the shoe, the better. An all black pair of sneakers is not preferred, but is an allowable alternative.

Accessories: There are many viable accessories for the old school nerd. Previously mentioned, the suspenders, pocket protectors, bow ties and belts are good starting points. Other key items include: black, thick rimmed glasses with optional tape on the bridge, a cleanly side parted hair style, and a casio watch with full calculator capabilities.

Up next: The New Nerd

This is the first in an n part series detailing various options for dressing oneself as a proper nerd, where n is the number of parts in the series (to be determined at a future date and time).

First, some naming conventions:

Shirt: Working from the top of the head, the clothing begins just below the neck and continues down, stopping approximately at one’s waist. This clothing usually (in nerds) covers all of the area in this region, without interruption and spreads in width to slightly above the elbow region. However, in colder locales, it is common to find apparel that extends further to the wrist.

Pants: This clothing picks up where the shirt leaves off, in the waist region, and continues down approximately to one’s ankles. A shorter version of this attire can end around the knees, and is referred to as “shorts”.

Shoes: Made of a more durable compound that the first two clothing units described and used to cover and provide walking protection for the foot. Often, a cushioning layer of fabric, called “socks” are between the shoes and the foot, and play a significant role in the fashion of the nerd.